This is another installment of Cedar’s Digest, a series of poetic stories about the experiences my husband, Ren Ruslan Feldman, and I are having living for six months in Central Borneo. We are volunteer teachers in a small, innovative Indonesian school. The school is child-centered with a focus on hands-on learning and character development. Classes are taught in English and Indonesian.
squeezed through the doorway
into Central Kalimantan, Indonesia
like toothpaste from a tube
I didn’t know what shape
I would take
now five months later
the paste has shaped itself
and the Kalimantan side of the doorway
to life in America
is wide and vivid with the colorful
essences of Kalimantan
we leave treasures
and we take treasures
from these people
this place
life is simpler, harsher,
more contained
smiles are bigger
life is well-surrendered to the moment
the majestic and glorious rains
clear the air
the clouds and sunsets are
the motion pictures to attend
the heat presses in on everything
most wondrously
we found love, deep and strong
unmediated, uncomplicated, uncluttered
by words
pure and in the moment
revealed in a smile, a gesture, a look
so often their English and my Indonesian
failed to convey a concept
but messages of heart beamed through
“Your heart is soooo nice,” says Endah
Ah yes, and so is yours.
Surya, our housekeeper’s morning smile
woke the day with a sparkle
she and I would delight in new words
she with her English dictionary
I with my Indonesian one
“Ibu Cedar, the name for this is ‘nanas’!”
(pineapple…this word is now associated
with her happy face)
She and Ren then have long conversations in Bahasa
we pay for English lessons with Olivia
after we leave
my beloved teacher of high ceremony,
Elizabeth Cogburn
gave me a meditation practice
hands on heart– saying “take heart”
hands outstretched– saying “give heart”
take heart, give heart
moments that will nourish my soul:
• walking into the school
hearing the children singing a song,
“music alone shall live”
that I gave to Reni, the music teacher
from my Girl Scout song collection
from 1959
take heart, give heart
• “Shila wanted me to give you this card she made.”
Shila’s father hands the card through the window
he has found us literally as we are driving away!
the card from the 6th grader says, “Thank you for teach us English
and make English more fun. You’re never angry
with us and just want to make us happy.”
give heart, take heart
• “Surprise! Surprise!”
the Indonesian women teachers have
rented a karaoke room for a good-bye party
(Ren gets a privileged experience of the women’s world)
they are remarkably lively and loud
dancing and singing exuberantly in their own space
we sing “we all live in a yellow submarine”
they give me some beautiful, silk material as a gift
take heart, give heart
• “I’m curious, what will you remember
about our class?” I ask the 6th graders
“The Ingots Game”
(of course…we made up a whole board game
based on a book we read)
“What else?”
“The good luck charms, Bu. They really helped!”
I had totally forgotten this
before their big national exam
I had given them some clay to make things
it only took five minutes
but it is at the top of the list!
what else?
Give Heart, Take Heart
• Endah gives me an exhilarating ride
on some back roads on her motor bike:
grand view of the flatlands from the top of the bukit (hill),
riding up close on dirt roads past shacks and fields
life eked out of the jungle
raw and real
my heart was full
Take Heart, Give Heart
Karim, the Principal of our school
gives us a card, a gift, and a special thank you
the children and teachers clap
I cry looking out at them–
the hundred of them
whose hearts
are in our hands
The card says things like:
“Gunarjo: I have wonderful time with you both. Your advice like spark of light and it will be brighter and brighter to
develop the school. Acha: Thanks for being such a great friend, teacher, and my inspiration. Endah: Thank you for
everything you have gave to us. Elis: Thank you so much for all the precious knowledge and experiences. Herni: I love
you Ibu Cedar and Pak Ruslan. It’s such a bless to know both of you.”
We are grateful that as elders (ancient ones)
our gifts of experience were received and valued:
parenting and emotional coaching and support
Social Studies and English invented games
Right Use of Power program for community, teachers, and students
foundation for Adult Education Program for the Kalteng
organized and inspired by Ren
Indonesian translation of Ren’s Wising Up book for Youth
done by Ren’s high school students as a fundraiser
big-picture suggestions for the school from our teacher’s-eye view
we have a “give-away” party
and enjoy the enormous pleasure
that our things give
Ren’s hat to Beate who always wanted a hat like this
A colorful belt to Lance who is hard to give to
the Settlers of Catan game that went “viral”
in the last weeks of school
to the girls’ dorm
clothes, books, games
even with oleh, oleh we have bought (souvenirs)
we are one suitcase lighter
Surya takes it as her travel suitcase
I look around at our dear friends
there in our living room
Muslims, Christians, Subuds
twenty-somethings, “ancient ones” like us
Indonesians, Europeans
our special little community
a this-time-only charisma of energy
Take heart, give heart
Take treasures, give treasures
Take wisdom, give wisdom
Plant seeds, water seeds
Bjorn drops by early in the morning
bringing a sacred hornbill feather
Waiting for the BCU car to pick us up for the airport
I hug Surya and walk around the block
memorizing everything
Like the Dayak Jinn that have parallel lives
we had a full parallel life for 5 1/2 months
we had a house that we furbished
we had jobs as primary and high school teachers
we had a social circle
we had projects we were passionate about
we had a daily routine
we embedded ourselves
into another culture and another language
this became our real life
we became this shape
we experienced the essence of love
now we return to our parallel shape
we give heart and we take heart
in leaving our dear ones
heart-wrenched, heart-warmed
we leave stretched, nourished, satisfied
and grateful
(Image: stock.xchng/otjep)
squeezed through the doorway
into Central Kalimantan, Indonesia
like toothpaste from a tube
I didn’t know what shape
I would take
now five months later
the paste has shaped itself
and the Kalimantan side of the doorway
to life in America
is wide and vivid with the colorful
essences of Kalimantan
we leave treasures
and we take treasures
from these people
this place
life is simpler, harsher,
more contained
smiles are bigger
life is well-surrendered to the moment
the majestic and glorious rains
clear the air
the clouds and sunsets are
the motion pictures to attend
the heat presses in on everything
most wondrously
we found love, deep and strong
unmediated, uncomplicated, uncluttered
by words
pure and in the moment
revealed in a smile, a gesture, a look
so often their English and my Indonesian
failed to convey a concept
but messages of heart beamed through
“Your heart is soooo nice,” says Endah
Ah yes, and so is yours.
Surya, our housekeeper’s morning smile
woke the day with a sparkle
she and I would delight in new words
she with her English dictionary
I with my Indonesian one
“Ibu Cedar, the name for this is ‘nanas’!”
(pineapple…this word is now associated
with her happy face)
She and Ren then have long conversations in Bahasa
we pay for English lessons with Olivia
after we leave
my beloved teacher of high ceremony,
Elizabeth Cogburn
gave me a meditation practice
hands on heart– saying “take heart”
hands outstretched– saying “give heart”
take heart, give heart
moments that will nourish my soul:
• walking into the school
hearing the children singing a song,
“music alone shall live”
that I gave to Reni, the music teacher
from my Girl Scout song collection
from 1959
take heart, give heart
• “Shila wanted me to give you this card she made.”
Shila’s father hands the card through the window
he has found us literally as we are driving away!
the card from the 6th grader says, “Thank you for teach us English
and make English more fun. You’re never angry
with us and just want to make us happy.”
give heart, take heart
• “Surprise! Surprise!”
the Indonesian women teachers have
rented a karaoke room for a good-bye party
(Ren gets a privileged experience of the women’s world)
they are remarkably lively and loud
dancing and singing exuberantly in their own space
we sing “we all live in a yellow submarine”
they give me some beautiful, silk material as a gift
take heart, give heart
• “I’m curious, what will you remember
about our class?” I ask the 6th graders
“The Ingots Game”
(of course…we made up a whole board game
based on a book we read)
“What else?”
“The good luck charms, Bu. They really helped!”
I had totally forgotten this
before their big national exam
I had given them some clay to make things
it only took five minutes
but it is at the top of the list!
what else?
Give Heart, Take Heart
• Endah gives me an exhilarating ride
on some back roads on her motor bike:
grand view of the flatlands from the top of the bukit (hill),
riding up close on dirt roads past shacks and fields
life eked out of the jungle
raw and real
my heart was full
Take Heart, Give Heart
Karim, the Principal of our school
gives us a card, a gift, and a special thank you
the children and teachers clap
I cry looking out at them–
the hundred of them
whose hearts
are in our hands
The card says things like:
“Gunarjo: I have wonderful time with you both. Your advice like spark of light and it will be brighter and brighter to
develop the school. Acha: Thanks for being such a great friend, teacher, and my inspiration. Endah: Thank you for
everything you have gave to us. Elis: Thank you so much for all the precious knowledge and experiences. Herni: I love
you Ibu Cedar and Pak Ruslan. It’s such a bless to know both of you.”
We are grateful that as elders (ancient ones)
our gifts of experience were received and valued:
parenting and emotional coaching and support
Social Studies and English invented games
Right Use of Power program for community, teachers, and students
foundation for Adult Education Program for the Kalteng
organized and inspired by Ren
Indonesian translation of Ren’s Wising Up book for Youth
done by Ren’s high school students as a fundraiser
big-picture suggestions for the school from our teacher’s-eye view
we have a “give-away” party
and enjoy the enormous pleasure
that our things give
Ren’s hat to Beate who always wanted a hat like this
A colorful belt to Lance who is hard to give to
the Settlers of Catan game that went “viral”
in the last weeks of school
to the girls’ dorm
clothes, books, games
even with oleh, oleh we have bought (souvenirs)
we are one suitcase lighter
Surya takes it as her travel suitcase
I look around at our dear friends
there in our living room
Muslims, Christians, Subuds
twenty-somethings, “ancient ones” like us
Indonesians, Europeans
our special little community
a this-time-only charisma of energy
Take heart, give heart
Take treasures, give treasures
Take wisdom, give wisdom
Plant seeds, water seeds
Bjorn drops by early in the morning
bringing a sacred hornbill feather
Waiting for the BCU car to pick us up for the airport
I hug Surya and walk around the block
memorizing everything
Like the Dayak Jinn that have parallel lives
we had a full parallel life for 5 1/2 months
we had a house that we furbished
we had jobs as primary and high school teachers
we had a social circle
we had projects we were passionate about
we had a daily routine
we embedded ourselves
into another culture and another language
this became our real life
we became this shape
we experienced the essence of love
now we return to our parallel shape
we give heart and we take heart
in leaving our dear ones
heart-wrenched, heart-warmed
we leave stretched, nourished, satisfied
and grateful
(Image: stock.xchng/otjep)
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